Truth is, I’m not missing TV all that much this week.  In fact, I struggled a bit to think of something to write about tonight.  Save for the fact that I’m mourning my unholy addiction to Family Guy and  yesterday’s brief run-in with pop-culture isolation, it’s really not all that different.  I don’t really watch TV when I’m watching TV. I mentioned I’d had that disc of Persepolis for nearly two months, but I also had three other discs right along with it.  It wasn’t just that Persepolis was subtitled, it was that I don’t really see the point in putting in a DVD I paid for when I won’t truly be watching it. And that tells you how often I actually stop to give my full attention to, well, anything.

I have a full-time day job, a new business that’s just as much work (if not more), a girlfriend in another country with an eight hour time difference, a loving social circle that I want to make time for, and about 438 things on my To-Do list in any given moment.  This all adds up to a near-moral imperative to consistently be DOING SOMETHING – preferably multiple somethings.  So if I’m watching TV, I’m also folding laundry, or paying bills, or typing away on my computer.  And if I’m listening to music, I’m also limping along on the treadmill, or washing dishes, or typing away on my computer. And if I’m reading a book, well — I don’t really read many books because you can’t do that and also type away at your computer.

So here’s what made me decide that I actually had something to blog about tonight:  Quiet.

Also, focus.  And relaxation.

This week, given my only real options for visual media are DVDs or streaming video online, multi-tasking in the way that I’m used to is not possible.  I can’t watch Southpark episodes on my computer and answer emails at the same time, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to virtually ignore a movie I, essentially, paid $14 to rent (by not sending it back to Netflix for two months.)  This means I have to actually make a conscious choice between working and relaxing. There’s no more unproductive mishmash of the two — where there’s just enough relaxation to keep you from working effectively, and just enough work to keep you from benefiting from the relaxation.  This week, I’m either working, or I’m not.

And I tell you what — I’m not getting a whole lot done this week.   Turns out I’m tired.  Who knew?  I have been quite literally exhausted since I popped Persepolis into the DVD player on Sunday evening and laid down on my couch.  With the white noise silenced and the focus narrowed, the realization that I’ve not stopped to grant myself true relaxation on anywhere near a regular level for, well, as long as I can remember — has crash-landed me right on my ass.

I watched the DVD of “An Inconvenient Truth” tonight, which I’ve been meaning to watch since, oh, 2005.  It kind of made me want to stab myself in the face — but it also reminded me that I’m not paying attention. In trying to catch everything, I’m missing most of it.

It’s time to slow down. I can still do everything I need to get done — in fact, I can do it better, more effectively and with more focus — if I also grant myself permission to fully relax.  No more white noise.

I really do like this week.

I’m not one to do things the way they’re supposed to be done, which is why my Spring Cleaning frenzy usually hits mid-September.  This weekend was THE WEEKEND, and after two full days of hauling, organizing, mincing away from spiders, and stifling my gag reflex at the Metro Dump, my body and brain were crying out for some mindless distraction (and a very long shower.)

After any projects or social plans of the day are over, my average Sunday evening looks like this:

Step 1: Turn on TV for background noise.
Step 2: Microwave something effortless, vaguely edible, and of questionable nutritional value.
Step 3: Plop down in front of computer with plate and remote control and attempt to enjoy all three, save for the fact that each distracts me from the other to such a degree that I go to bed wondering where the last few hours of my weekend went and why I feel like I missed something.

Case in point, I have had the DVD of Persepolis (a subtitled, animated exploration of the life of an Iranian woman) from Netflix for over two months, simply because I can’t read a movie and update my Twitter status at the same time. Thinking about that today made it obvious that I have been leading a quantity-not-quality media lifestyle.  I decided to challenge all three usual steps outlined above by leaving my computer on my desk, making a meal that took some effort and watching a movie that made me work for it.

As I diced vegetables, picked spices and started cooking – all absent the comfortable background noise of an unwatched TV – I noticed a strange and unusual feeling creeping over me: Calm.  I was focusing on what I was doing, and not straining with one ear to make out who killed Kenny (the bastards!) The hum of the fan in the window and the sizzling of the food on the grill and even the barking of that goddamn dog across the street were oddly relaxing.  As I sat down with my delicious meal and started the movie without eyeballing my computer to see if I needed to respond to a client email, I noticed that the food tasted better, and my brain was more engaged on a creative level.  It was a slight change, but a radical one nonetheless.

I stopped the movie to clean up the dinner dishes, and I took some time to write an email or two and then I flopped down on the couch and did the un-thinkable:  I watched a movie, by myself, and did NOTHING ELSE.  And you know what? It was a great movie, and I was completely relaxed. Full of good food I remember eating, full of memories of the beautifully animated details of this well-crafted film and ready to spend the remainder of my evening quietly focused on work, writing this blog and readying myself for my Monday.

I think I’m going to like this week.

As I begin this post, I am 20 minutes away from the first day of the SansLux challenge.  Initially, I decided to give up Cable Television because it seemed like a gentle way to launch what I can only assume will become a progressively more irksome and challenging experiment.  But as the minutes tick down, I’m realizing how comforting it is to let “Saturday Night Live” be typically unfunny and how, even with the television muted for reprieve, I am somehow comforted by its hum and glow.

As a typical Latchkey Kid, cable was my babysitter and melodramatic best friend.  Every afternoon after school, Cable was there to fill the disconcerting quiet of an empty home, or to drown the voices of shouting adults, or to distract from the loneliness of a nomadic childhood.  It didn’t argue, it didn’t tease – it just showed up like I knew it would when I flicked on that button – safe, predictable and sedating.

Through the years I have watched cable with decreasing frequency, limiting myself to a few specific shows and avoiding getting caught up in the latest series.  I’ve become less and less invested in pop culture and more involved in activism and self-exploration. But through it all, I have never given up cable and I have never challenged myself to stop using TV as a way to fill the silence in my life.  For years, I even slept with the TV on each night that I slept alone.  I stopped that habit a few months ago, and now it’s time to see what life is like without cable at all.

CHALLENGE: 1 Week without cable television.

EXCEPTIONS: DVDs/Streaming Episodes are OK.  I can watch cable if invited to friends’ homes, or if it’s on screens in public places. The objective is not to be anti-social or punitive, but to remove immediate access and instant gratification.

*click*  Off it goes.